I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
