Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
