This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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