Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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