He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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