He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
