I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
