cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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