i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
