The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
