If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
