The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
