Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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