Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
