and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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