eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
