Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
