Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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