Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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