Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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