Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
