oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
