my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
