I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
