We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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