just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
