Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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