so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
