i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im six kinds of drunk right now
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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