Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
