i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
