Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
