I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
