Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
