Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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