The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
