The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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