i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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