My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there is puke in my bra ... again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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