very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
