I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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