don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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