The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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