I cockslap morals
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
