i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
