After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
