its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I came so hard my ears popped.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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