But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
