I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
