so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
