What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
