If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
